Many people feel nervous about dating or approaching someone for the first time, questioning whether they are crazy or whether their partner doesn’t share their energy.
Excessive thinking, overwhelming happiness from even small encounters, and severe sadness or despair after bad experiences with the person of interest can all be indicative of this phase.
This phenomenon is referred to as limerence. Limerence, according to study, is a condition of involuntary preoccupation or infatuation with another individual. It is typified by a strong desire for emotional reciprocation, although not always in the form of a romantic relationship.
According to psychologist Dr. Dorothy Tennov, who initially identified limerence in 1979, it happens when a person has an obsessional bond with someone. It usually shows up as an invasive, uncontrollable, strong, illogical kind of love.
Signs you are going through limerence
Limerence, a complex emotional state marked by intense longing and obsession for another person, can be both exhilarating and overwhelming. If you’re experiencing these feelings, it’s essential to understand the signs.
Cognitive Signs
- Intrusive Thoughts: Constant thinking about the object of your limerence, often finding yourself lost in daydreams.
- Idealization: Seeing the person as perfect, overlooking their flaws and imperfections.
- Obsession: Feeling compelled to focus on every detail of their life, often to the detriment of your own.
- Fantasies: Creating elaborate scenarios involving the person, often involving romantic or sexual encounters.
Emotional Signs
- Euphoria: Experiencing intense feelings of happiness, excitement, and fulfillment when the person is present or when you receive positive attention.
- Agitation: Feeling anxious, restless, or irritable when you’re unable to connect with the person.
- Dependency: Feeling a strong need for the person’s approval and validation.
- Jealousy: Experiencing intense jealousy and possessiveness towards the person, even if there’s no evidence of romantic involvement with others.
Behavioral Signs
- Excessive Focus: Prioritizing the person’s needs and desires over your own, often neglecting your responsibilities.
- Stalking: Engaging in behaviors that involve following, watching, or monitoring the person’s activities.
- Self-Sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that might harm your chances of a relationship, such as excessive flattery or clinginess.
- Mood Swings: Experiencing rapid fluctuations in mood, from intense happiness to deep despair.
Remember: While limerence can be a powerful and transformative experience, it’s important to maintain a healthy balance in your life. If you find that your limerence is interfering with your relationships, work, or overall well-being, it might be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional.
How to overcome limerence
Overcoming limerence can be challenging, but it’s possible with time, effort, and self-care. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this process:
Understanding and Accepting Your Feelings
- Acknowledge your feelings: Recognize that limerence is a complex emotional state and it’s okay to feel this way.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself as you work through these emotions.
- Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings.
Creating Healthy Boundaries
- Limit contact: If possible, reduce your contact with the object of your limerence.
- Avoid triggers: Identify situations or activities that intensify your feelings and minimize your exposure to them.
- Focus on yourself: Prioritize your own needs and well-being.
Building a Support Network
- Connect with others: Spend time with friends and family who support you.
- Join a support group: Consider joining a support group for people experiencing limerence or similar emotions.
- Seek professional help: A therapist can provide guidance and tools to help you manage your feelings.
Engaging in Healthy Activities
- Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
- Explore new interests: Discover new passions and activities to enrich your life.
- Set goals: Focus on achieving personal and professional goals to boost your self-esteem.
Shifting Your Perspective
- Challenge negative thoughts: Identify and challenge negative thoughts about yourself and the situation.
- Practice gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life.
- Develop a growth mindset: Believe in your ability to overcome challenges and grow as a person.
Remember: Overcoming limerence is a journey, and there may be setbacks along the way. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress. With time and effort, you can develop healthier coping mechanisms and move on from this intense emotional state.
