Each April, we focus on raising awareness. Teal ribbons, candlelight vigils, Instagram posts sharing safety tips and self-defense classes abound. We instruct women on how to protect themselves, avoid assault, and navigate a world that often feels unsafe. However, a crucial aspect often overlooked is the lack of dialogue with men.
Leah Wanja, a wellness mentor and advocate for women, notes, ‘I’ve led numerous school workshops emphasizing how girls should act, while boys receive a fleeting message to ‘respect girls.’ This approach is insufficient.’
In her mentorship groups, Leah observes that discussions about sexual violence are not formally addressed but linger in the background. ‘It’s a silent burden we bear,’ she says. ‘Even in joyful discussions, the shadow of fear is present.
Women communicate in subtle ways; phrases like ‘I don’t feel safe,’ ‘I always share my location,’ and ‘I avoid certain areas after dark’ reflect survival tactics rather than mere expressions.’ When the focus on sexual assault is solely on women, it inadvertently perpetuates a damaging narrative: that it is a woman’s responsibility to prevent assault.
If an incident occurs, it implies she was not cautious enough. The responsibility for safety and prevention rests entirely on her. But what if we changed our perspective? What if we questioned the type of masculinity we are instilling in boys? ‘We must understand that sexual violence is not just a ‘women’s issue,’ but a cultural one,’ asserts Kioko Maundu, a psychologist and expert on masculinity and gender norms.
‘By excluding men from this dialogue, we create a void often filled with misinformation, peer pressure, or silence.’ Many men grow up in settings where emotional restraint is praised, vulnerability is seen as a flaw, dominance is admired, and genuine consent is overlooked.
We fail to teach boys how to identify boundaries and understand their emotions,” Kioko points out. “Consequently, it’s no wonder that many struggle with the concepts of respect and accountability in their adult relationships. This lack of understanding can lead to dangerous outcomes. Additionally, male survivors of sexual violence often feel overlooked, ashamed, and isolated.
Brian, 29, who prefers to remain partially anonymous, shares, “I didn’t even recognize that I had been assaulted until years later. There was no terminology for it, no supportive environment. Society expects men to simply move on.” This cultural oversight not only perpetuates harm but also hinders healing.
Leah stresses the importance of creating spaces for men to express themselves, process their experiences, and unlearn harmful behaviors. “Men should be seen not only as potential aggressors but also as potential survivors.” Organizations like FIDA Kenya have been advocating for systemic change, yet cultural biases persist. Women are still expected to be the vigilant ones, while men are often excluded from discussions on prevention. Their role is rarely acknowledged, and accountability is assumed rather than taught.
Leah highlights the psychological burden of this double standard: “It’s draining. It feels like being told to create armor from your own skin. It leads to heightened awareness, anxiety, and sometimes shame for circumstances beyond our control. We mistake fear for wisdom and silence for safety.” While women have sought healing and empowerment in wellness spaces, Leah points out that many of these environments still neglect men. “Wellness spaces have primarily focused on women’s healing, which is crucial, but we must also create opportunities for men to address their own pain, challenge harmful norms, and develop a sense of accountability. We don’t need more ‘strong men’; we need more complete men.
Mentorship must adapt to modern needs. Leah emphasizes that mentorship for men should encompass emotional intelligence, consent, and vulnerability.
It’s insufficient to instruct boys to be protectors; we must also empower them to become safe spaces themselves. Organizations like Usikimye and FIDA Kenya are leading the charge for survivor support, legal justice, and education.
However, if our prevention strategies focus solely on women’s actions, we overlook the broader issue. Dennis Otieno, Senior Legal Counsel at FIDA-Kenya, points out that society has historically placed the onus of preventing sexual assault on women, a notion rooted in outdated patriarchal beliefs. He asserts that involving men in this dialogue is not only essential but also strategic.
By fostering structured discussions aimed at dismantling harmful societal norms and perceptions of women, and by having men advocate against all forms of sexual and gender-based violence (SGBV), we can shift mindsets and promote a proactive prevention strategy. FIDA has also recognized the plight of male survivors, providing them with both legal and emotional support.
They offer legal assistance and connect male survivors with supportive partners, ensuring they receive the necessary help. When questioned about the need for changes in Kenya’s legal framework, Otieno is straightforward: the laws are sufficient; what is required is a more responsive and empathetic approach from duty bearers, including police officers and prosecutors.
He highlights the detrimental impact of insensitive systems, which have derailed many survivors’ quests for justice, subjecting them to shame and blame. His message to men and boys is clear and impactful:
We must cherish and safeguard our women, ensuring they receive the dignity, respect, and love they rightfully deserve. It is our responsibility to protect them by embodying these values and honoring their worth.
As lifestyle culture evolves, more men are beginning to embrace therapy, feminist principles, and emotional awareness. However, we must delve even further.
This month and in the future, there is an increasing demand for men to actively participate, not merely as observers, but as architects of a safer culture.
